Firstly here's what's good:
1- Played great in a 100 rebuy last week winning $9.5k
2- Am flying to vegas tomorrow
Bar these '3' things can't really say there's much else. I've gone through a crisis of confidence thing recently. I just don't feel that i'm there either professionally or personally. All this sounds far too deep and it isn't really. All that is wrong is in my paranoid mind. It's a lack of faith in my own ability that I must recover, so that my life is fun again. Again it's easy to say, just a bit harder to put into practice.
All these things have happened that make me wonder over my long term poker future. I love the game i really do. But am i willing to put in the hard work required....yeah i think so, no i am. Yet i haven't and that is why i've been running so badly. The 100 rebuy result has been the one bright spark in weeks and weeks. That tournament is notoriously tough for being full of supposed 'pros'. Well i found it very easy. Within a half an hour of the freezeout stage i had double anybody else's chips. This continued until the final table where unfortunately i ran very badly, running 9s into q8 allin pre...q on flop etc. Did a chip chop 3 handed, which really helps the vegas bankroll.
Played a great deal on billys last week. I crushed the small multi tournaments with a 20 quid buy in. Two nights in a row i won the midnight event, picking up about 1200 quid in total. However other leaks in my game meant I was crushed by the 50 quid stt's i was playing at the same time. Profits were lost and drinks were spilled in anger.
I think this blog is a form of therapy. It allows me to kind of whinge and moan incoherently about nothing apart from my own self pity. Well it's worked as suddenly i feel much more upbeat and positive about things. All of this self doubt is ridiculous. I know i'm a very good poker player. I just need to play more solid and leave moves for deeper parts in tournaments. Then the results...and perhaps even a bracelet will come.
Going to miss my beautiful girlfriend over the next few weeks, and i hope she doesn't realise how -EV I am for her!
So off to vegas and the land of oppurtunity. If i don't come back rich i'd be surprised.